Navigating marital challenges: Is divorce the right solution?
Mahesh Bang
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Q: Dear Mahesh, I am 50 years old and my wife is also the same age. Since the beginning of last year, we have been having continuous arguments that always lead to ugly fights. In the last year she has completely changed. Her personality is so difficult now. She was not like this in the past. I am considering giving her divorce. Is it the right time to divorce? AM
A: In most cases, decisions made in anger, arrogance and frustration leads to regret in the long term.
Generally, at the age of around 48 to 50, most females go through hormonal changes. During this time for a short while, females become very sensitive and irritated and have mood swings. This is also the time when a wife needs her husband's emotional support more.
Remember what your wife is going through is a temporary phase. My request is for you to show more affection, love and care. Support her emotionally, rather than thinking of divorce.
She too is going through a bad time. Her personality will definitely improve for the better, astrologically, when the planet Jupiter transits over the star sign Cancer, namely from the end of this year onwards.
Everything will return to normal, as this transit is very beneficial for her and married couples, in general.
Do not apply for a divorce. Before considering a divorce, one should consider the following:
1. Marriage is like a plant, you have to nurture it. If you put in enough effort, it will blossom. Otherwise, it will die. Both partners must work at it.
2. Weigh the good and the bad your spouse has brought into your life. In nearly every case, the good outweighs the bad.
3. Always respect your wife, as women have a special place in Vedic culture.
According to Hinduism, when taking the name of God, one takes the female aspect (energy) of God's name first: Sita Ram; Radhye Shyam; Gauri Shanker; Laxmi Narayana.
4. A husband must be understanding. A woman's work today does not stop at the office. She has to carry on working at home even if she has had a tiring day. Indian men in general shy away from kitchen duties. So, if she is a bit sensitive on such days, overlook it and be understanding.
5. In today's time with the fast-paced life that we lead, one spouse might feel the pressure of strenuous daily chores. It will be beneficial for your relationship in the long term to consider a domestic worker to help out with these chores. Even if you can't afford them, cut down your expenses on clothing and parties (birthday, Christmas etc) and make it possible to employ a helper some days in a week.
6. Marital problems often result from a difference of opinion between a mother-in-law, which is widely misinterpreted as interference when it should be seen as guidance from elders. Only if it persists does it become an interference. Mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws should avoid competing for the affection of a son/husband. The different types of love cannot be compared.
6 Miscommunication can also lead to many problems. The key to a successful marriage is "talk". Ensure that you do not go to bed without sorting out or coming to an agreement to solve it at the right time, when it pertains to issues of the day. Don't allow a small wound to become infected. It's best to treat timeously.
7. Most important: Try to understand that marriage is for both good and bad days. This is human life and everyone experiences some tough times at some stage in life. It could be related to health issues or work pressure or certain circumstances etc. Also change in planetary alignment in your horoscope etc.
An intelligent man will understand this and let this time pass with a positive attitude and strong mind. You know that situation will change with time.
8. Tell your wife to fast on sawan Mondays (currently we are in sawan month), Kajari teej and on Karwa Chauth. It is the best and most beneficial fast for a wife to keep a happy married life.