In happier times, South African media personality Denise Zimba with her husband, Jakob Schlichtig. Picture: X.
South African actress and media personality Denise Zimba recently shared a personal experience on social media, revealing that her ex-husband, Jakob Schlichtig, allegedly had an affair with her childhood best friend.
This revelation has sparked discussions about betrayal, trust and the emotional toll such situations can take.
Zimba disclosed on X (formerly Twitter) that her best friend, whom she had been close to since the age of 14, was allegedly involved with her former partner.
This emotional confession raises questions about how betrayal within friendships and relationships impacts mental health and where one should direct one’s anger in such situations.
To unpack these emotions, “Independent Media Lifestyle” chatted with Aniqa Johnson, a South African HPCSA-registered counsellor, for insights into managing the fallout from betrayal.
When faced with such a betrayal, one of the most difficult decisions is choosing where to direct your anger - towards your partner or friend. Johnson explains that many people find themselves angrier at the friend than their partner.
“This often stems from denial,” she says. “Denial that your partner could do such a thing might lead to misplaced anger towards the friend, rather than accepting the reality of the partner’s betrayal.”
Johnson also points out that manipulative partners might shift the blame onto the friend, making it easier to forgive them and preserve the relationship.
Meanwhile, the history and trust built with a long-term friend make their betrayal feel even more devastating.
Johnson highlights that some people may forgive their partners but cut ties with their friends.
“This can be linked to loneliness and a fear of losing love or companionship,” she explains. “People might tolerate a partner’s actions because they crave affection and fear being alone.”
Another factor is the high expectations placed on friendships. “We tend to hold our friends to higher standards than our romantic partners, so when a friend betrays us, it feels more personal,” Johnson adds.
Healing from such a traumatic experience takes time and intentional effort. Johnson stresses the importance of seeking help to process the emotional turmoil.
“There are lots of ways, including counselling, therapy, and talking out your emotions. A lot of emotions and thoughts will come up, especially negative ones,” she says.
Victims of betrayal often start blaming themselves, asking, “What did I do wrong?” Johnson emphasises the need to avoid this spiral and to seek professional guidance.
“Having a third party who is not involved will give a much clearer picture of how things are going to help you navigate the situation.”
Johnson also advises taking time before making any big decisions. “Taking your time and not making a decision about ‘who to be mad at’ is important. It’s okay to be mad at both parties involved in the affair. You don’t have to choose one,” she explains.
If someone decides to mend either relationship, it should be done at their own pace and on their own terms.
Ultimately, Johnson encourages those in similar situations to prioritise themselves. “Taking time off alone, reflecting, and speaking to someone is essential. But focusing on yourself should be your top priority – making sure that you’re okay on all levels.”