If I had been an astute businessman I would have put my money in buckets. Let me rephrase that - I would have invested in the bucket manufacturing industry, stored my money in buckets rather than in banks.
Since Cape Town became a water-stressed city the citizens have become Aquarians - water carriers. We all spend a substantial part of every day moving water from one place to another.
For citizens of the Mother City this is indeed the age of Aquarius. And since it is no longer fashionable or practical to carry water in ceramic jars or amphorae, like the Aquarians of old, we use buckets.
Even though our dams are now up to 70% of capacity, most of us have fallen into the good habit of regarding every litre of water as a precious treasure. We have discovered that, no matter how many times we have used it, there is still one more use in that litre. The water that boiled the potatoes can be used for washing the dirty dishes before being carried to the bathroom ready to be used for flushing the toilet. All this water carrying requires a lot of buckets.
I wonder whether there are any official statistics on the growth of the Cape bucket market over the past year. Even in my own one-person household my bucket ownership has increased by 400%. That is impressive growth. Just think, if I had invested in buckets a year ago I might have reaped a 400% dividend.
Actually, I know that's not true, but I do enjoy statistics (it was reported in a local newspaper recently that the murder rate in Fish Hoek has risen by an alarming 200% in the past year. Last year there was one murder in the valley. This year there were three. Not exactly the murder capital of the world, is it, but undoubtedly a 200% increase.
I should perhaps explain that my bucket investment growth is because I used to manage quite well with just one bucket in my house, but since I keep a bucket next to each toilet I now have four buckets (one to move water between other buckets). Anyway, I missed the bucket boom. Story of my life, I’m afraid.
I wonder whether I’ll make my fortune when I launch my hydroponic marijuana farm on the market. It should be winner. I’ve converted one of my buckets for hydroponics and the plants are fed with recycled chicken soup. Every home should have one.
Last laugh
A construction worker got his first pay cheque and went to the local shopping centre to spend it. In the camping shop he saw a Thermos flask and asked what it was.
“It keeps hot foods hot and cold foods cold,” the salesman explained. The next day the worker arrived at work with his flask and one of his colleagues asked what it was.
“It’s amazing,” said the man, “it keeps hot foods hot and cold foods cold.”
“What have you in it?” asked his colleague. “A mug of onion soup and a chocolate ice cream.”
* "Tavern of the Seas" is a daily column written in the Cape Argus by David Biggs. Biggs can be contacted at [email protected]
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.