One of the cornerstones of healthy relationships is a mutual balance of power, give and take, between yourself and the other person.
However, in the spirit of “shared mutual interests,” you may end up sacrificing your thoughts, feelings, time, and, most importantly, “self” for the other person, or the other person’s needs are prioritised over your own.
How can you tell that your relationship lacks the balance of power that ensures healthy relationships?
As anyone will tell you: It’s not easy to give constructive criticism to someone you love. One of the most challenging things in life is forming healthy bonds and relationships with others.
But, combined with unhealthy habits or behaviours might make things even more complicated. Even so, it's important to try to explain your position when someone close to you says something that offends you or contradicts your underlying values.
A co-dependent relationship is a kind of dysfunctional relationship where one person is a caretaker, and the other person takes advantage. Although clinicians often associate these behaviours with those who struggle with substance use disorders, anyone can develop them.
Assertions made by Psychology Today claim that both partners can maintain their identities apart from the other in a good relationship, where they give and receive equally. Co-dependent relationships, on the other hand, are toxic alliances when one person becomes stuck in the caregiver role, allowing the other to take without giving back support and care.
When the giver desperately wants to "save" their loved one, they risk encouraging dangerous behaviours instead. In co-dependent relationships, one partner will look out for the other to the point of tolerating that person's addictive tendencies.
Imagine a scenario where both parties are wholly dependent on the relationship succeeding, with one person being the giver and the other the taker, which is inherently unhealthy. There are many benefits to the relationship established between the parties, but it does not necessarily mean that both parties lose out on the benefits of the arrangement. Instead, it leads to unhealthy habits, which can lead to burnout and build resentment in your relationship.
Co-dependency does not only manifest in romantic relationships but can also ensue in friendships with our parents, siblings or anyone that you have personal relationships with.
According to therapist Carder Stout, PhD, a healthy relationship between any grown adult and their loved one should involve a shift that gives into the narrative of equals.
When the relationship does not make this shift, the discrepancy between the way we see ourselves and the way our loved ones see us can rot the relationship, creating tension, lack of trust and resentment.
According to Stout, confronting this and breaking away from it are the most effective methods for resolving the issue. As a result, finding the words that will demonstrate independence, set boundaries, and protect the relationship is often difficult when we are faced with our loved ones, causing us to revert to old patterns.
5 signs that you may be the ‘caregiver’ in a codependent relationship:
- You're unable to spend the necessary time on your own goals and needs.
- You struggle to understand how relationships affect you emotionally.
- You feel as if you can somehow control or change the other person.
- You may feel a strong sense of responsibility for the other person.
- Emotionally healthy and secure people should be able to admit when they’re in the wrong, and take the responsibility for their mistakes.